If you’re a fan of paranormal romance books like I am, sometimes you see the end of a relationship road before the lovin’ starts.

I’ve decided to do my bit to battle this lack-o-forewarning. Therefore, in case any romantic novel characters read my blog, here are three sure-fire signs your paranormal girlfriend will dump your fictional ass.

Here’s the first sign…

I had an unreasonable amount of fun making this image.

Sign #1
When you first meet her, your girlfriend is toting her v-card AND has no idea of her superhuman powers. Le sigh. This is such a bad sign. Her first guy tends to help her through the para-transition, have sex with her for the first time, and then get shoved aside by book three. So sorry, dude. Best to move on right after the first sex scene. Honestly.

Moving on to the next item…

Because any reason to show kissing penguins is a good one. 

Sign #2
Your girlfriend has slept with three guys in the last forty pages (you go girl!) not including you. That’s not paranormal, it’s just logic. Your lady friend isn’t settling down anytime soon. Don’t give her your record collection, favorite sweater, or only set of keys to anything.

Which brings us to number three…

:::drumroll:::

I’m pretty sure I worked with this guy back at Cisco. Like, seriously.

Sign #3
You’re a nice boy competing with a bad guy. Maybe you’ve been the stalwart best friend for like six books and haven’t yet gotten a kiss? Get used to disappointment, buddy. Your chances of getting out of the friend zone are nil. Maybe you’ll eventually get a few make-out sessions, but in the end, you’ll be tossed aside for that forbidden slice of nastiness in leather pants. It is what it is. Move on now.

Now for a bonus item…

It’s time to talk bad boys, who are especially irresistible when they have good taste in man bag accessories. 

BAD BOY ALERT: Guess what? If you’re a bad boy with a paranormal girlfriend, chances are you’ll get away with a BUTTLOAD of shizz that would never fly in real life. Want to follow your lady friend around everywhere she goes, popping up at inopportune moments? You’ll get adoration instead of a restraining order. Feel like mouthing off all the time? No silent treatment, just lots of love. Important note: Very serious studies show that bad-boy romantic love interests have a 50-50 chance of keeping a girlfriend past book two.

Not that you care, Mr. Badness, but there it is.

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